Starting To Feel At Home

When I first came to Ghana I was blinded by the overwhelming “newness” of it. All I could see were the macroscopic differences between here and home. At that point there really was a drastic distinction between Ghana and my home. I was only able to see things skin deep so to speak and I was incapable of picking up on the subtleties of life. It’s been about two months now and I am feeling settled. Sometimes without thinking I refer to my room and campus as home. Then I catch myself and realize this is my home for now. I care about people here; I hope people care about me. I have a routine, I have responsibilities, and I have a life. What is it that defines “home”? It has to be more than the house I grew up in because I haven’t lived there permanently for more than three years. I think home is where you choose to invest your time in people and they are invested in you as well. Home doesn’t have to be such a concrete entity. Sometimes it is more of a feeling, an emotion, a sense, a vibe, or whatever you want to call; just something more abstract, something that can exist virtually anywhere. Ghana will never be my home in the same way that California is, my roots aren’t here, but on a different level I feel grounded here and I feel welcome here. I’m beginning to know the ins and outs, I have people to call on and I’m sure that if I were ever to come back I would have a place to stay. I am in the process of developing myself and part of my life and Ghana is the setting in which that is happening. I am functioning within this environment I am not just visiting and holding my breath until I return back to my proper home. No, I am here and I have had to learn how to survive, or do more than just survive, while breathing this humid air everyday. Although I have a ticket back, there is an end date to my stay, a definite moment when I will be leaving this place I think it will remain my home at some level. In that sense I am happy to admit that I have multiple homes and they don’t cease to exist in the absence of my presence.

 Now, back to my thought on observation, which ties into my understanding of one’s home. The “newness” has worn off a bit and I have begun to dig a bit deeper into this place. I have been able to develop a few relationships with Ghanaian friends that have moved beyond the superficial level. It is at this point that I have started to feel comfortable and settled in my life abroad. There is something about sharing personal thoughts and opinions with the people around you that draws you in to a place. I am learning that there are certain basic emotions that are universal and the issues around expressing or explaining those emotions are global as well. It’s interesting to me that half way around the world, in West Africa of all places, I would have a friend confide in me his suppression of jealousy, anger, and insecurity, and he was unsure if I would understand his position. I realize now that the incapacity to face our deepest fears, which usually lie within ourselves, does not discriminate, I am starting to believe that it is part of human nature. We tell ourselves that we have control we plan our lives so that we have some security, but the world can be random, unfair, and unpredictable. There is no control only a false sense of it. Maybe, suppressing insecurity is just another attempt at proving to ourselves that we have control and admitting it would just be too dangerous. In a place like Ghana where many people are merely surviving strength comes from the strength to manage poverty and I am not sure if that entails acceptance or denial, but I think the line is very thin. My friend is not living in poverty, but much of his culture is marked by it, so his inability to express himself does not surprise me at all. It is these kind of relationships that make a place feel like home to me and I feel lucky to have many.